Welcome back!

So I’ve been absent for a few months… during that time.. big things were happening!

I started to learn how to sew.

Jonathan started a new site for me.

I started a new weight loss venture (down nearly 15 lbs!)

I went on a trip to the Azores with Alysha to celebrate her 25!

Thanksgiving.

10 year high school reunion.

Christmas.

New Year’s.

annnnnnnd here we are!

So, I’m welcoming myself back to blogging.

I mentioned Jonathan started a new site for me. it’s not live yet, but I think it will be good when it is! I’ll let you know what it is as soon as it’s ready. 🙂

It’s going to be started with intention and organization so I can blog about the various things I love in a way that makes it easy to follow what I’m blogging about, and in a way that makes me be more organized with my thoughts and ideas.

It’s going to have travel posts and review.

DIY crafts and tutorials.

Recipes and food ideas.

Exercise and healthy living ideas.

and of course some personal anecdotes sprinkled in.

It’s gonna be GOOD!

The other big thing is that I opened an Etsy shop! It’s https://www.etsy.com/shop/SashAroundTheClock

I mentioned that I am learning to sew, and I am selling these SUPER soft, adorable lime green infinity scarves for Valentine’s Day.

If you know someone who needs one, pick one up! I’m including free shipping since this is my first item!

Anyway, until the new site is live, I’ll be blogging here, so keep coming back. I am about to try to make slow cooker chicken and if it turns out, I’ll put a recipe out there tomorrow! 🙂

Birthdays are in the air.

This week, there were SO many birthdays!!!!

 

This is the week that I celebrate both my wonderful Mom (Nov. 7th) and my wonderful baby sister (Nov. 10). Happy birthday to two of the best ladies I have ever known!!!! 😀 Also, can you believe Alysha is 23???? Does that mean I have to stop calling her my baby sister? 😦

 

This week, our dear friends Ben and Laurel also had a sweet baby girl, Madilyn, born on November 8th!  We can not wait to get a chance to meet her!

And, one of my oldest friends (since 8th grade), Jeff, had a birthday on November 9th.

 

As a side note, today is Sunday and I still consider Sundays to be part of last week.  In my world, weeks run from Mon-Sunday, and then start all over with work on Monday.  So in my world, I can properly say there were a lot of birthdays to celebrate this week, because I am on the last day of this week.

Mid-Study Update

So, in preparation for the bar, I made Jonathan change my fb password. So no facebook until August, basically! It’s so hard! haha.

Anyway, that means my break time is sort of wide open, and I felt like blogging, so I am.

The pressure is really on! I really, really hope I pass!

Jonathan was awarded Associate of the Month for his crazy hard work lately. I’m super proud of him!

I really like organizing things. I’ve been using my free time to organize things lately.

Alot of fun things are happening once I take the bar, in that nebulous time between sitting for the bar and finding out if I passed. I’m going to visit Alysha in her new place in Kentucky!!! I think I’ve mentioned that she is starting GRAD SCHOOL in the fall! I am excited to get to be there to help her settle in and explore! I love exploring new places, and I love one on one time with my sis!
And I am going to go with my parents to Boston to see Saira (haven’t been there since Jan. of 08 for her wedding, so that will be fun!) I will also get a LOT of quality time with my parents on the drive there and back. I’m looking forward to it!

In September, we’ve got trips to Chicago, Lake of the Ozarks, and camping. And Nancy and I will also be throwing our friend Laurel a baby shower. We also have wine tasting and are signing up for a 10 K in October! So much fun planned!

I am trying to not worry about finding a job, because worrying at this stage will only make me… well.. worried.

I am also trying to not worry about friends feeling irritated at me for emailing them about camping so early!

I am also trying really hard to not worry about not passing the bar. Because that will not help at all. I feel like I am starting to worry about trivial things in order to help not worry about the big thing that I am worried about!

Okay, break time over. I guess I should get back to studying.

Test woes + I need a new look, any suggestions?

So I had school woes. Then part of my school work caused me to have friend woes.

Now, on top of that, I have test woes.

I realized, basically on the last registration day possible, that the MPRE date falls on my spring break. So I signed up to take it in Ohio. Now, I had two great locations that would be easy to take it in. Columbus (where my little sister is) or Centerville/Dayton(where my parents are).

I put those as my first and second choices.

What did I get?

FLORENCE, KY

 

whaaaaaaa?

And, to make it worse, I had to pay a late registration fee because I had no idea the test date was so soon. (I have received an email for every single other test date for the last three years. For the date I actually wanted to take it on, no email. I finally realized, oh, maybe I should check on that. Good thing I did!)

And the fee is non-refundable. Even if the test center you get assigned to is highly inconvenient and you’d much rather cancel and take a later date (cough November) and not be so inconvenienced!

Boo…

 

Onto the fun part. Tomorrow, I am getting my hair cut. The deal I bought includes a “hair gloss” treatment, which you can add a color tint to for ten dollars. The salon is also doing a deal on highlights (50% off). I like longish hair, but I am also ready for a new look. Maybe color would be a fun way to get a new look?

Any suggestions?

 

Also, i wrote brilliant valentines day posts, but the pictures show up in my drafts on my phone, but not on the internet… so Jonathan said he’d help me upload my pics from my phone to my computer tonight so I could actually post my posts!

Things I Learn In School.

– We have now had three role plays in various classes where the scenarios scream to me, “You need an MBA!” The resistance from the legal/science people is astounding. I think these role plays have proved to me that engineers and lawyers need MBAs.  A lot. (We need them, too, obviously).

– I had to send out this assessment thing to a strata of people to evaluate my leadership and influence style. Which is difficult when I have basically no work experience. So I asked friends who have seen me in some sort of group setting. Some people think I need more confidence and to be stronger when supporting my ideas. Some other people think I am too forceful, rising to the level of being a squeaky wheel who is going to be replaced. Ouch! The worst part is that its anonymous, so I have no idea in which settings I need to up the oomph, and in which settings I need to tone it down.  Maybe this is just a very bizarre take on the “Sasha-phase.” I won’t bother explaining that, and probably only Hilary/Jonathan will even get it.  … It’s not so much that my feelings are hurt by this comment. I’m glad that people were honest, I obviously need the feedback. I definitely don’t want to be replaced, least of all by my friends!!!

However,  since I have two polar opposites of responses, in order to actually improve, I have to be able to diagnose the different scenarios. Also, everyone I sent this survey to, I consider a friend. If you’re my friend, and you think I’m a squeaky wheel who is going to be replaced, why haven’t you just told me before?  But mostly, I feel like I’m the same all the time, so I think it’s really strange/bizarre that some people think I have a good level of confidence, some people think I need to “stand more firm” and others thing I need to be less forceful with my opinions.  I just don’t know what my take away is here.  Looks like its going to be an interesting reflection journal. …

– We’re having a “Get Liquid” event instead of class tomorrow. That’s right. Our school took a business phrase, cancelled class, rescheduled it for the evening, and is providing free booze. MBAs are highly professional, I’m telling you. Also, our final project is being graded by the class. We’re supposed to make it amusing.  Great. This is our capstone class, too.

– I am hard to look at but easy to listen to. (Unless I’m being a squeaky wheel, I guess?)

– Legally, if you lose your debit card and report it missing within 60 days of the first statement that reflects unauthorized use, you can only be held accountable for $500. If you report it within 2 days of the first unauthorized transaction, you can only be held liable for $50.

– My fav professor brought cookies for VDay. Sweet. 🙂  And then intentionally said nothing when I tried to convince my group that the only proper outcome for our negotiation was for both parties (an engineer and a dentist) to concede that their joint venture had no clear vision or mission, nor business plan nor strategy. And that they should hire someone to help them with the business side. Since all of the disputes arose out of a fundamental lack of business know-how. Not sure how far this will get me in the negotiation role play, but its the real problem! I can’t just turn off the MBA side of me when I’m at the law school. Likewise, I irritatingly like to point out when proposed plans are actually illegal when my groups are brainstorming at the BSchool.

 

We’ll get back to our regularly scheduled VDay posts later today or tomorrow. 🙂  Just had a take a moment to air my utter confusion at school sometimes.

 

 

Exhausted

Just a few more weeks of this, guys. March 10th. March 10th and I can breathe again. March 10th and I will a glorious spend a week and a half with my sister and my parents, and then I will be available again.

I will be able to do things I enjoy. Finish my scrapbook, perhaps?  Clean my desk?  Go for a run?  Cook for Jonathan for a change?

March 10th and I hope that I will be able to rid myself of the guilt. No matter what I am doing, I feel guilty. If I work out, I feel guilty that I should be studying. If I am studying, I think, I am getting so fat I need to work out. If I spend time with friends, I feel sick because I should be studying. If I don’t spend time with friends, I feel lonely or like I am neglecting my friends and my spouse.

I hate this guilt. Everytime I talk on the phone with my family, that lingering nag of the work that is not getting done is always there. And I love talking on the phone with my family, and lately, I can’t enjoy it. I can’t enjoy anything. The work is always there. I am always behind. I am always tired.

I dream at night of missed assignments. I dream I am taking a test and I don’t know any answers. I dream that I am doing homework and then I wake up more exhausted than I started.

When I signed up for this, I thought I could do it. I didn’t realize that the business courses would have so much group work. So much written homework due each week. It’s too much.

And I am tired of not being able to enjoy a single minute in a day without the guilt. All the time. All the time the things I need to get accomplished. All the time the things that are being neglected. All the time the heavy press of knowing that here I am, at a top rated school, and here I am, barely getting through. All the time.

Even right now.

Even at night.

Even in class sometimes. When the lecture is boring. Or slow. Or pointless. I think, I should be getting something done. I should not be here. Time is ticking. Time is ticking. Time is ticking.

 

Someone asked me how old I was the other day. I said 23. I am 26. The time has gone by really, really fast, these last three years. I have gotten older and fatter and my hair is grayer and my face is tireder and i need more and more make up to pretend that I am not just a corpse moving through the motions everyday. Thank goodness for Lancome. The only foundation I have ever found that vaguely matches my sallow orangey skin.

 

Sorry for the angst fest. that is really how I feel.

But on March 10th, I know, I just KNOW I will feel like Dorothy when she got to Oz. And the entire world will be colorful and birds will sing and maybe, just maybe, I’ll even get some ruby red stilettos.

🙂

(March 10th, spring break starts,  and officially 4 of my 9 classes will end. 1 of my nine classes ends this Wednesday, so I will be down to 8 classes as of then! So after March 10, my work load will be decreased in half. In case you were wondering. And one of those four remaining might or might not continue, so I may even be down the 3 classes. And it will feel magnificent! until bar review starts… but I refuse to even THINK of that!)

Thoughts on Parenting

Yesterday I spent time with two very dear friends. One has an adorable and sweet one year old boy, the other is expecting her first child.

I couldn’t help but think about children and babies. It’s impossible to not think about around my friends lately. I will preface this with, I am not complaining. The children are all so cute and sweet.

But I can’t help but wonder, will that ever be us someday?  It’s not a matter of do we want children. Yes, we want children. But there are two more important questions. Can we have children? Should we have children?

I feel like when it comes to children, the should question is rarely asked. But I am asking it of myself. Should I have children?  Do I have what it takes to be entirely selfless?  Can I love that deeply and that extremely?  Or will I be the parent who is rarely around, always at work, always with something more important to do? Will I be the parent who is bored to death by the make believe games and children’s books and TV shows? Will I be the parent who is neurotically obsessed with my child’s every move, who worries intensely and never sleeps a single night? Will I be the parent who pushes my children so hard, because I believe that they are smart and talented, when in fact they are average and I push them past their limits? Or will I be the parent who doesn’t recognize my children’s skills and leave them feeling lost and unappreciated?

Will my lack of cultural identify pass to them, leaving the same dissonance I have always felt? Will my love of discipline and order force them to rebel and go off the deep end? Will my smothering make them grow up into adults who feel no desire to call me? Will I set unreachable standards for them?

I ask, because I can see that potential in me. I don’t know that I can be a good enough parent. No, I wouldn’t be the worst parent, certainly. I would love my children, they would have a home and a family and food and toys and we’d take them on vacations and to the zoo. We would do so many fun things with them if we had kids.

But is that enough?

I know a lot of you would answer yes. Love is enough! And for some of you, that is enough, and you will be magnificent parents.

It’s not enough to me. If you know me, you know that I am someone who tries to live intentionally.  I try to think things through before I jump in. I try to be responsible and make responsible choices. Bringing another life into this world is certainly a topic that deserves more care than, “Do I want one? Yes.”  And definitely more care than, “Oops, forgot protection.” So please don’t fault me for taking perhaps a bit more introspection than most on this topic.

 

And all of these questions beg the question. Can we even have children?  I don’t know, we certainly haven’t tried.

 

For now, at least, the decision isn’t on the table. It’s somewhere out there, in the foggy distance. What’s in the here and now is enjoying life and our family, being young and in love, and loving every single minute of it. Sometimes, my life feels so full and wonderful, that the idea of changing a single thing about it seems terribly awful.

Besides painting my kitchen. That would be a very welcome change. But that is a post for another day. 🙂

 

Friday the 13th Memories

I woke up this morning to a text from one of my high school friends, asking if I remember my Friday the 13th parties, which made my day!

So in a trip down memory lane….

When I was in high school, if ever there would be a Friday the 13th, I would beg my mom to let me throw a sleep over!  The most memorable one involved a seance with rituals we obviously made up and got from a book in the library. Now, back then, one of my male friends, Jeff, had a huge crush on my friend and sleep-over attendee, Amanda. Jeff was (still is) a huge nerd and was the kind of guy who hung out in the science labs and wore pocket protectors. Amanda was the kind of girl who was also pretty nerdy, got straight A’s always, took super precise notes, and all the teachers loved her. It was a match made in heaven! Right? Wrong! Amanda wanted nothing to do with Jeff!

So for this Friday the 13th party, we decided to have a seance and do some spells, because we were fourteen and silly and thought it would be hilarious. So we checked out a book of spells from the library, and decided to do a love spell to make Amanda fall in love with Jeff, which would have been hilarious! The spell required some hair from Jeff, so during lunch that Friday before the sleepover, Reema, myself, and another friend all went up to the science labs to find a way to trick Jeff into giving us some of his hair. Now, we were all participants in this extracurricular called Science Olympiad, and an event in Science Olympiad involved looking at hair samples under a microscope. Perfect excuse, right?

Wrong! We put Reema up to actually asking Jeff. Poor Reema was laughing so hard that she was doubled over, clutching her stomach, and her brown skin was actually turning red from laughing so hard! She finally spits out, “We need some of your hair!”

Now, I will never really understand what happened next. My other friend and I were also laughing incredibly hard, and I am sure we looked like total a bunch of total spazzes. However, Jeff, the good obliging chap, grabbed a pair of scissors and just cut a chunk of his hair out of the back of his head, leaving a dime-sized hairless spot that persisted for atleast a week.  We bagged up the hair and we were on our way!

Needless to say, the spell didn’t work, and Amanda never fell in love with Jeff. As for the seance part, I didn’t feel anything other worldly, but Amanda got super creeped out so we cut it short and switched gears to snacks and movies. But, despite that, the Friday the 13th party was hilarious and a hit!

So, thanks, Reema, for the text this morning, and thanks, Jeff, for giving us some of your hair and creating one of my favorite stories from high school that always, always makes me laugh.

I don’t know if this post was amusing to anyone else, because, well, you don’t know these people or the intense amount of awkwardness and hilarity.  But it was a nice trip down memory lane!

And, to finish up this post, a real conversation I just had with Jeff:

me: Jeff i have a question for you

 Jeff: fire away

 me: im writing about you in my blog lol

  so that one time that we asked you for a chunk of your hair

 Jeff: ruh roh

 me: why did you just give it to us?

  i have never understood

  why you just grabbed scissors

  and gave yourself a week long bald spot

  😛

 Jeff: so you’d leave me alone

 lol

  haha

 me: HAHAHA

  ok lol

Jeff: i like keeping my hair short

  and really don’t care what my hair looks like in general

  so it was worth it

  y’all were pestering a great deal about it

________________________________________________________

I  like how, 11 years later, he instantly knew exactly what I was talking about. That’s how funny and awkward it was.

Here’s wishing everyone a happy Friday the 13th!!!!!!

Well Again + Make Up Deal

Well friends, I am about at 85% wellness. I say 85, because I still have very little appetite which means I get tired really easily because I’m not yet eating enough. My weight is going back up, but to a healthy level, I think. I’ll see what it stabilizes to by my weigh-in on Sunday.

But I am disinfecting my house and moving around and feeling like a live human being again!

Now onto the deal… Last year, Jonathan got me an awesome make up palette. And while it was not perfectly matched up like the one Alysha got me this year, it was pretty decent.  The one he got me had 100 colors, and is by E.L.F. Slickdeals is doing a sale on their 32-color palette for 2 dollars: http://slickdeals.net/permadeal/67158/target-elf-32pc-eyeshadow-palette?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+SlickdealsnetFP+%28SlickDeals.net+Frontpage%29

If you like a bunch of colors, decent quality, and a cheap price, you really can’t beat this!

I’ll let you guys know if I see a good deal on the Ulta “Perfect Match” that I got this year. 🙂

The value of being average.

I’m going to put something out there, and I’m really being quite serious so please don’t try to argue with me to make me feel better. That’s my disclaimer.

 

In the great big world of fabulous people, I’m not all that smart. I’m not all that pretty. I’m not very good at any sports and nobody would ever call me athletic. I lose at most games. I have bad handwriting. I am not very skilled at any particular hobby or interest.  You can’t call me an artist or a musician or a techie or a trekkie or anything really.  I have nothing of that sort that defines me, and I don’t really excel at pretty much anything.

For a very long time, I thought that meant that I was worthless. So I pushed and pushed and tried and tried to find something that I can do better than others.

What I can do better than others is just be me. And tell awkward jokes that people still laugh at. Try my best to be a thoughtful and caring family member and friend.  Wear funny hats and get really excited about movies that star Channing Tatum or Zac Efron. Dream about vacations and travel plans and take silly pictures of my bunny. Buy ridiculous shoes and be unafraid to wear them. Start shopping for Christmas in July. Love eating breakfast at any time of the day. Watch reruns of The OC on soapnet even though I have all four seasons on dvd right next to me, and still hold my breath right before Summer kisses Seth. Make lots and lots and lots of lists. Be a really not-sore loser and play games with excitement and enthusiasm. Go for walks in the park and drive with the windows down when its cold just to get fresh air. Make sandwiches shaped like dinos. Embarrass Alysha in the middle of the mall. Paint my nails a rainbow of red, green, gold, and sparkles for Christmas.  Do I need to go on?

Who else does that better than me?

Not everyone can be extraordinary. But nobody can be you better than you.

I sometimes think about my friends and all of their talents and skills, and I sometimes wonder if they ever feel the way I feel. Then I think, that is absolutely impossible because they are so wonderful! It’s harder to see your own good qualities than someone else’s.

So, if you want, comment with one thing you appreciate about me, and I’ll comment back with one thing I appreciate about you.